the sulfur in your lungs....eroding

so the whole women situaion is thus.



im laying off for awhile...i say that and kinda dont mean it cuz i mean if the girl of my dreams comes around im not gonna just be all fuck that. but im really sick of the girls these days...i really dont care that you shop at all the fancy stores and have your hair all perfect and shit, i just want a girl that will be herself and fucking like be an interesting person...so far there are EXTREMELY few girls like that around this area so i figure to just lay off for awhile and do shit that i need to do. like get a damn job.



they say if you stop looking you find what you want. yeeah....

so its about 50/50 if im going to warped i have no money. kinda sucks. but oh well. things are going great, the band is doing really well. we hopefully will get signed soon knock on wood. we have a few shows coming up. i plan to rock out. other than that its pretty much normal....anyone wanna find me a job?

why do i attract psycho bitches? why?? is there some like code written in their DNA that says "go get that kid with the funky hair in the band"? wtf.


cant i just meet a nice girl? who isnt fucked in the head. and likes to do hot carl all the time?




jk about the hot carl















only on special occasions



































SHOW TOMMOROW!

Hey yall! Whats up?? its been awhile. Like a month or something...ive been too busy doing nasty nasty things with your mom. anyways...whats new. I got a haircut...its cool. it looks badass, im getting my haircut like this every time. what else, Im pretty much an official member of Loss of Innocence. We drop phat beats. ill be playing all shows after may 5th so come check us out and see us do crazy guitar flips and stuff. i do this crazy thing where i pretend to have sex with my guitar...totally drives the chicks wild. 2 more weeks of school is nice. Go see V for Vendetta. Im a cucumber. ohh...im going to see fucking DRAGONFORCE may 5th in ohio. lots of things going on may 5th. Ohh and Anti-Flag the 8th. RULAGE. Id tell you all the goings on on a day to day basis but all the days are running together and like...yeah. holla at yo cucumber.

heres what i want you to do...think about how you were like a year ago..how you acted, who your friends were, who liked you, who you liked etc etc. now...what would you tell yourself a year ago? what would you tell yourself to watch out for, and most of all...WHAT TO SAVOR AND ENJOY.

for me...i would tell myself so much i cant even begin. im such a different person than i was a year ago. ive figured out so many things and realized so many things. like...last year around this time...i was sooo interested in this girl...she played me so hard. like...lead me on and dropped me. that killed me...today i would have handled that situation soo diffrently. LIFE IS ALL WHAT YOU DO WITH THINGS. i was such a nerd back then...i could hardly talk around girls...but now finally having someone or 2 well...more 1 care for me and still care for me its like...it changes someone. stuff would be so different...but cest la vie.

and another thing, relationships. PEOPLE COMPLICATE RELATIONSHIPS SOOO FUCKING MUCH. a relationship is simple...you like her...she likes you. you decide that thats the person for you (at least for now) and reach a mutual descision that "youre the boy/girl i want to be with". people break up for dumb reasons...and theres one rule "do you still care for him/her?" thats the golden rule. if youre fucking indifferent about this person then fucking break up, dont make up excuses dont LIE dont do shit to MAKE THINGS COMPLICATED. gahh...i see it so much its so annoying. sometimes its not the breaking up that hurts people its the indiference. probably because INDIFFERENCE IS THE OPPOSITE OF LOVE. people think hate is the opposite of love, this is not true. because when you hate someone you still CARE what happens to them. if you are indifferent then its like anything could happen and you dont care about it at all. life is too short to compliate things, just find someone to love...and LOVE THEM.


what is love other than a series of moments?

^once you understand that, you will much closer to understanding this emotion


tell me what you think of my crazy rantings...you like 5 people on my friends.

yeah its been like a month or so. hmm...lets see, january. not much has been going on. school is being a bastard. and so is your mom...ohh snap. uhh...ive just been hanging out and stuff really, working, seeing movies, starring in my own porno "the orgasmic 4" i play dr. doom. except only my D is made of metal. hahahahahah. last night was actually worth mention. i hung out with Loss Of Innocence which was cool and stuff, it was Drew's birfday so we went to outback and chilled. then drove in the fog without our lights. if there were 3 words to describe that night it would be "Arise chicken...arise"

inside joke...done expect to get it unless you watch aqua teen like mad sin.


the only thing right now i could ask for was for some money to fix my car, a band to play in, and last but not least a girlfriend. duhh...ive had my chances but havent taken them mainly because, girls right now SUCCKK..no one in particular, just in general. id see a girl and then talk to her and then id ask "what music do you listen to?" and response "I LOVE RAP AND COUNTRY"....ouch. that always kills the vibe like a black man at a kkk meeting. i guess im setting my standards a bit high but, is a hot girl who likes good music/movies too hard to ask for? seriously. gahh im ranting, but not complaining. something will happen with someone, hopefully.

ohh and my car. that deserves some explaining. so my coolant fans keep running after i turn the car off. hence, draining my battery. so i have to disconnect it after i turn off my car. gay. so ive decided to disconnect them because they turn off when its on so theyre useless. but if i drive to long my car overheats. bummer. so i need lots of money to fix that shit. fudge.

and music. i have alot of fucking cool ass shit right now. i just want a full band to play with. it will be so cool. we will have the best live show ever. i swear. maybe if i get something going we could open for LOI sometime. that would be cool.


alright ive said what i needed to say and whatnot. im done. if youre cool drop me a line and well chill.

What does your handwriting say about YOU?

You fill every waking moment with activity.
You are a person who thinks before acting, intelligent and thorough.
You are affectionate, passionate, expressive, and future-oriented.
You are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody!
You enjoy life in your own way and do not depend on the opinions of others.

she shivers in the wind like the last leaf on a dying tree
i let her hear my footsteps
she only goes stiff for a moment

man: care for a smoke
girl: sure ill take one. are you as bored by the crowd as i am?
man: i didnt come here for the party...i came here for you. ive watched you for days. youre everything a man could ever want. its not just your face or your figure or your voice...its your eyes. all the things i see in your eyes.
girl: and what is it you see in my eyes?
man: i see a crazy call, youre sick of running. youre ready to face whatever you have to face, but you dont wanna face it alone.
girl: no i dont want to face it alone

*they kiss*

the wind rises electric
shes soft and warm and almost weightless
her perfume is sweet promise that brings tears to my eyes
i tell her that everything will be alright
that ill save her from whatever shes scared of and take her far far away
i tell her....I LOVE HER

*gunshot*

the silencer makes a whisper of the gunshot
i hold her close until shes gone
ill never know what shes running from
...ill cash her check in the morning

hmm...lets see. I GOT MY FUCKING HAIR CUT!!! yeah...its been awhile since that happened. i wanna say march or april. ohh well...i have a sweet faux hawk now. uhh...1 more final to go. i need 100% to pass. eeek. but im not worried. im so good at that class i just dont do homework.

i saw fordirelifesake again with alucard. this time it was at a hall show. and its so much more intimate...it felt so good to go to a concert again except for all the scene/emo people there. FUCKING GIRL PANTS PISS ME OFF!!! god damn it! seriously..its NOT MADE FOR A MANS ANATOMY..how do you fit your shit in there?? your D must be so small..honestly.

i need money...as always. i want to work more..but i dont because im lazy. and i hate being at work...it totally blows. cept for the free movies. KONG TODAY.

uhh....i like writing music. I REALLY REALLY wish i knew more music theory..so i could broaden my capability and express myself better through my instrument. but the stuff i have is good...im hopefully joining a band and well have some gigs and stuff. you will all come see im sure.

girls wise...no luck yet. Im starting to think having had 2 AMAZING girlfriends is sorta backfiring. Im always comparing everyone i meet to them. (although on a side note..i was in box office and 3 girls totally gave me their number...im such a fucking pimp) but yeah...its weird cuz both 2 girlfriends really enjoyed the same things i did and finding a hot girl who does is terribly difficult (cept stephanie you liked jay leno more than conan WTF?? we all know conan > leno. ill take his fluffy hair over chinzilla anyday). well who knows...what will come of this situation. i miss the summer. (mostly may june and july..fuck august). Maybe when i start to play gigs...my luck will change.

its hard finding answers when all you have are questions.


things i want for christmas (Actual things)
1. da ali G show dvd
2. aqua teen hunger force dvd
3. family guy dvd
4. an ipod would be nice
5. an acoustic guitar
6. wah pedal
7. effects pedal board

things i want for christmas (not actual things)
1. someone i can love and have fun with
2. answers to why i fuck up relationships (that would help)
3. hang out with the exes
4. hang out with all my friends from high school over the break
5. have absolutley NO ONE have any bad feelings towards me (im not a bad person, i dont lie to people...ive done my fair share of stupid shit but its not because i want anyone to hurt, i just dont think things through sometimes)


if i could chose anything...it would be the (not actual things) if i could have all of those...i would be SOOO FUCKING HAPPY even if i got nothing for christmas. even if i got coal...well id just light something on fire.

has anyone realized how fake the real world is?
the endless beurocracy of the modern age
people filling out their destiny by filling out forms in triplicate
is all we were meant to achieve sitting behind a cubicle,
adding what little creativity to a bland office by little figures,
pictures of loved ones, and a comic cut out of "peanuts"?
do we strive to judge our worth by the number zeroes at the end of our check?
do we all want to be identical in our "buisness attire"
why do people seem to be proud to say "operations manager" or
"field technologies operator" when all their job entails is sitting
behind a desk crunching numbers
arent we human beings? arent we made for something more? why do we spend
the better part of our lifetime doing something we hate just so we can live
in a fancy townhouse apartment? is that the cause of our midlife crisis? finding
you've been working countless hours and achieving nothing...making nothing of yourself
benefiting the world in the most miniscule way.




....create something from real emotion, stop being a slave. LIVE YOUR FUCKING LIFE

FORDIRELIFESAKE 12/10

AMERICAN LEGION HALL IN UTICA

it will kick my ass probably...because theyre sweet live.


so umm....yeah what else has happened. ohh i work friday 5-1am saturday 5-12am and sunday 12-5pm.

thats a sweet weekend right there.

my scheduel has been crazy...2 bands to practice in class and work has taken up all of my free time. sometimes i am lucky enought to chill on weekdays and stuff but usually i cant or something comes up...but yeah its crazy. i cant wait for the new semester and the possible transfer to MSU. that will be sweet. im going up there soon, party with all the rice kids and errbody else. it should be fun and hopefully theyll have a good recording arts studio where i can major in. well that about wraps it up.

being single BLLLOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWSSSSSSSSSSSSS


i really really want a girlfriend. it seems like everyone is in a fucking relationship it sucks, even the tards are getting married to share their life of tardiness. fuckin a.


some really hot girl (who listens to good music...thats a must) needs to come take my breath away.


TAKE MY BREATH AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

ok now that spooty song is stuck in my head...great.

i felt this quote was necessary

"well it seems like every day in my life gets progressivly worse....so every time you see me, thats the worst day of my life"

"thats messed up"

LAST FRIDAY

FORDIRELIFESAKE IS INCREDIBLE. seriously every time i see them their solos get even better. just ask and the cretins and queens of the static age are also amazing. just ask being the best. cuz the other 2 were cover bands. it was a good fucking night.

LAST SATURDAY

went to this rap show in downtown detroit. 7 dollars all you can drink. i didnt get drunk but i downed a few jungle juices and was pretty tipsy. it was weird the whole night was a weird vibe.

SUNDAY

I TURNED FUCKING 18!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hells yeah i got so much money...but i got bills. so yeah...oh well. i got sweet guitar shit. thanks to everyone who showed up. and a big fuck you to those i knew who didnt even care enough to say happy birthday. some of you are cool...but seriously...the others..totally gay.


i think somewhere in there me and my friend burke went to gameworks to take advantage of 10 dollar 4 hour thing they have. it was good times.


ok and today halloween. i went as the dead rocker. i have more pics but im waiting for people to send them to me.

what the fuck am i doing up so late posting on my damn lj? this is gay. uhh...lets see. this weekend.

FRIDAY

FORDIRELIFESAKE! and JUST ASK

SATURDAY

THRICE and UNDEROATH and THE BLED

SUNDAY

MY BIRTHDAY!! 18 WOO!!!


jeez..it still hasnt hit me yet. i hope i hear from alot of people to come to my schindig. so far numbers are
a little less than what i had hoped but still a few people really came through and made time to come which is awesome. i dunno, sometimes alls i ask for is a simple "hey good for you youre turning 18" or a happy birthday but i dunno some people couldnt give two shits (people as in more than one person obviously) its like "hey pat! fuck you and your birthday!" and its like "ok what did i do to you ass". whatever...enough of that shit...fucking 3 am brings out the worst in everybody.

i need to start doing my homework...im falling behind. my good test grades are the only thing keeping me in a 3 point. hmm..maybe i should be doing that instead of this right now!?!?!

what else could i put in here that no one will care about?? uh...i want to fall in love. doesnt everyone? ive figured out that ive never been in love which is good in a way. the story is taking time...i havent written in awhile.


oh yeah..CLONE HIGH IS THE SHIT!!!

DAMN YOU STAMOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


abe: you sold us a bill of goods joan, and those goods turned out to be bad...then you sold me up the river

joan: i did...but i sent you my heart as a paddle

abe: well you hit in the face with that paddle and i wear my heart on my sleeve so when i went to wipe my face....i got HEART ALL OVER IT

joan:...wait what are we talking about again?

its at the spectadium on 15 and a half and livernois. sunday the 23rd at 4 pm.


if i know you be there.

call my cell phone or leave me a message wherever.

work is starting...well it always has blown. but yeah, im fuckin sick of it. we're always understaffed and shit its getting to be rediculous. today was sweet cuz the lions actually won, and im pretty sure the wings play tonight i dunno, ill have to check. but last time i checked 2-0 whats up now BITCH!

what else, um..my car is fixed finally. i can actually go places even though i cant afford gas or anything. i dont get out much anymore, im thinking of seeing a movie today..either serenity or waiting. serenity i hear is amazing but i havent seen the series and i hear that Waiting is just an average comedy at best, but i dunno ill probably like it.

uhh today i shredded at guitar like no other...just sweet ideas came one after another after another...i was actually smiling while playing it was awesome. and i found out that i really like playing blues guitar..i dunno..its just fun. especially with FINGERTAPPING. my favorite technique.

um...i still need to sort out some shit. i really miss being romantic..i havent been like that since stephanie i think (if your reading this steph youd better be proud hehe)and i kinda miss that. ohh well, SO IT GOES. im sure everything will work out fine and bla bla bla typical sappy shit and whatnot.

hmm what else...i have a big ass test monday and i should be studying my ass off for it. but i have like a 4 hour time gap between classes so i think im gonna study then. its only on 3 chapters and its programming which is my forte so ill do fine. wish me luck.


uh...new story coming up. this one is gonna be LOOOOOONNNNNGGGG. its already like 4 pages and its just the intro. so maybe ill post it in parts if anyone cares...prolly not. this one is so far pretty happy, i still havent figured out the end, but yeah...its romantic, just like me. giggles.


later bitches.

ok so..i had to do so much shit in order to even go to this thing. basically yard work blows. and so does begging for rides to detroit by your parents.

ok so heres the linup:


MEWITHOUTYOU

sweet guitar stuff interesting inventive music. although i couldnt tell a word what the singer was singing...it was like blabering blabering blaberness. good stuff.. 4.0 out of 10

DREDJ

also cool guitar shit..amazing vocalist..he could actually sing. cool melodies too and great breakdowns. not my type of shit but really good stuff for what its worth. 5.5 out of 10

BLOOD BROTHERS

basically my feces could have done a better job at music than this band. ohh god please do us a favor and smite this band from the face of the planet. or at least let the singers grow some testicles so they can stop making my ears hurt everytime their vocal chords emit that high annoying sound they make. 0.0 out of 10...and thats being generous

COHEED AND CAMBRIA

set list:
keeping the blade
always and never
welcome home
ten speed (of gods blood and burial)
dilirium trigger
blood red summer
apollo 1: the writing writer
three evils(cuts marked in the march of men)
the suffering
once upon your dead body
wake uo
a favor house atlantic
the willing well: fuel for the feeding end
everything evil

encore:
in keeping secrets of silent earth 3
apollo IV: the final cut

no words describe how amazing they were. they had a fucking geyotene(sp+the thing that chops your head off) and the lighting was amazing..they played for at least an hour and a half..ohh man..god it was just amazing..i am in awe of them it was just beyond words. anyone who wasnt there should basically die.


infinity out of 10.

what a fucking day..its like 2 polar extremes. total sweetness and really gay shit going down. ok so im gonna devide this into good and bad.


GOOD

-michigan won the game. basically it was so close for so long i couldnt take it..we won finally. big props to MSU theyre my 2nd favorite team and it sucks that they have to play but oh well...ive clearly chosen my side and today it was correct. now i want MSU to win all their other games. and U of M too.

- someone got kicked out of our theatre for getting a BJ. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! he was so embarassed oh god...funny as hell...thank god i didnt have to clean that theatre.

- im a ninja. so basically one of the door arms (you know that thing on the top that moves with the door) got unscrewed somehow and like..its an 8 foot door..and no one was tall enough to get it. so basically because my kung fu is strong, i pulled some tom clancy splinter cell shit and shimmyd up that doorframe like i was ordering pizza. fixed that shit...im so proud of my self.

BAD

- we were understaffed at the theatre. and after that ninja fix move..which took a shitload of concentration (i was up there for at least a minute)i basically was lathargic the whole rest of the night. and what did they have me do? oh yes...lift heavy objects and take out trash that weighed more than i did. good times that was. my fingers were fucking numb and i was ready to just quit right then and there. and then..YAY clean sold out theatre 1 by myself WOO! im sick of this shit.

- had to say some shit i didnt want to at all. im never good at speaking my mind. i always have it so clear in my head but when i say it it doesnt come out at ALL what i mean. i hate having to do that...i just want to be happy and laugh and be cool with someone but i can never find out how. basically high fidelity sums it up.

"ive been thinking with my guts since i was 14..and do you know what ive realized..my guts have shit for brains"

yep..so true. i say shit i dont mean all the time...i wish i could really say what i mean and or express how i feel perfectly. but ne ways...i think im just gonna concentrate on having a good time with this person. no drama..fuck drama..fuck alll that shit. i dont want it..i dont want it at all...i thought i did..i thought that i needed things to be a certain way in order to be with this person but these are the hands that im dealt with..and im gonna use them..and you know what...im gonna have a fucking good time. actually this part should be in the good section because, its like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders but it started off to be really shitty so yeah. i just think its great that we can actually be friends now with me not having to hold back..which is what i was doing for some reason which is beyond me...basically i suck at life...but i dont think for long.

-still no car. i have no way of getting anywhere. i feel like im fucking 15 again begging my parents for a ride it sucks. hopefully ill have a ride to the coheed concert tommorow..er today..its like 3 am.

-basically...i havent eaten in 2 days. i swear to god im not anorexic or anything. these ADD pills are crazy. they work and all but its just like..i never feel like eating. tommorow im not gonna take it because its not healthy. even though id like to loose a few..not this way..not this way.

-someone totally flat out lied to me today and i blamed it on someone else. after careful recolecting and number crunching i realized that i was totally 100% wrong. and now...i feel like a douche bag.I JUST HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE LIE. and this person was seriously telling the truth and i didnt believe her. now...i feel like a ginormous bag of douche extravated from sally struthers x a million. some major duty apologizing is in store for tommorow. and god damn...i feel like poo for it. but in a way relived that they werent lying, which kinda compensates for it. well..its like im a ginormous amont of poo and someone shoveled about 5 pounds of it off. so yeah theres a totally gross analogy for you.

-im not ready for a full on relationship yet. i dont think. its kinda hard to tell now. i mean, until the day i die i will be a hopeless romantic..its the way i am I LOVE that sappy shit if its done right. i want to be in love. i want that kissing in the rain and that passion..its not even about sex, just the connection. i love it, but it clouds my vision of what is right for me. im sure it will happen soon just not too soon, i wear my heart on my sleeve and i get hurt easily..but what doesnt kill me makes me stronger. and i feel stronger now.


so basically i think the dark times are behind me...life is to short to be sad...I WANT TO HAVE FUN...and be cool and all that stuff...no more dwelling on things no more just coasting through life. no more of that. no thank you.

the journey of 1000 miles starts with a single step..and i think i took that one here today.



and i totally stubbed my toe and it hurts like fuck..but the irony is amazing.